Mother's Day

May 8, 2011

Today was an emotional day for me. It started out waking up and thinking about Mom in bed this morning. Then I started a letter to her and felt some special feelings for her. Second was the skype call that all the family was in on with Devin in Germany. Though the conversation was disjointed and sometimes undiscernable at times I came away with an overwhelming feeling of goodness and love from all of my family. I felt the love that all of us had for this 19 year old kid, struggling to be a missionary. I feel so blessed to have a Mother and Father who gave up so much to raise us and who have created such a beautiful family. I felt such gratitude for my family, like I was apart of something truly special, almost reverent. I then went to church to hear Nicki’s final lesson. I felt such love for her, and was very touched by her thoughts about the Savior and the purpose of life. I found myself so emotional that I actually came home to pray and gain my composure. Mostly I was grateful and almost overwhelmed with the many special relationships and examples Heavenly Father has given me. As romantic as it may sound, I feel surrounded by saints. I have felt his love and peace recently in the magnificence of the springtime. I have felt his calming hand telling me of His love, and comforting my questioning soul as I enjoy my blossoming gardens. I have felt my faith grow as I anticipate and observe the predictable and breathtaking cycle of flowering trees. I know this may sound crazy, but to each his own!

Secondly, I felt an intense desire to reach my potential as a mother and daughter of God. I want so badly to unveil God’s plan for me, to see the blueprint so that I could just make a to-do list and start checking them off. I want to be proactive in my mothering, and my families life. I want to create the environment that will be best for our goals and our family. I want to help guide my children down paths that will bring them growth, happiness, and progression. I want to make a difference, to make something of myself. I felt a little tired of guessing, if you will, about what I should be doing. Really, as I think about it, it is a childish feeling. Kind of like a child wanting to be told what they are getting for their birthday before the day even arrives. I arrived at the recognition that I needed more faith, faith that if I do all I intellectually, spiritually, and physically can, Heavenly Father can and will guide me in a different direction if needed. And most likely, I won’t even recognize the Spirit’s gentle nudges as I muddle my way through life, but if I’m living the way I should, they will really be there.

I’m grateful for the insights I received, the reminder of the potential that my influence as a mother can have, and the blessings of family and friends.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! I love you